She turned to look up at him. He smiled as he leaned over her and their eyes met. He moved her bracelet out of the way and their hands clasped, her smaller one enveloped in his. He moved in closer, and stroked her hair gently. I felt like an intruder upon this moment of tender love. They didn’t seem to mind; romance and oblivion seem to come hand-in-hand sometimes.
Romance.
The longing for romance can overshadow so many other desires. Motivation for work, ambition for success, drive for approval—these feelings are strong at certain times. But the thought of love and intimacy can make them pale. No, I’m not talking about love-sick teenagers or sappy girls. I’m talking about the natural, God-given desire for love. It is marriage—not a business agreement—that God uses to characterize the indescribable relationship of Christ and His Church.
The holy institution of marriage … the God-given physical and emotional desires … the reality of these sometimes blur with a counterfeit. Even when I think my perspective of romance is honest and healthy, does it actually line up with the true romance that God created?
Are my expectations of love pure, before God? The magazine rack’s representation of “love” is appalling. Their headlines are warped, their pictures are unmentionable. But has any trace of the world’s definition crept into my perspective?
Maybe my question reveals part of the answer—“expectations of love.” Can I hold on to expectations about the love I desire to receive and experience? 1 Corinthians 13 doesn’t mention what I should expect out of love, only what I should choose to give, in love.
What picture comes to mind from the scene at the beginning? Be honest. I know what I would imagine—young lovers’ interaction, including the music in the background! So why was it, in real life, that I sat off to the side watching this scene…and instead of happily watching a thrill of romance, tears filled my eyes?
I was realizing that my perspective might not line up with God’s.
I was seeing a limp, pale hand lost in a large, gnarled hand. The bracelet that he moved was a plastic one, stamped with her name. He could only move so close to her, as she sat in the hospital chair. His hand ran over her white hair, over and over. “Jack, just get me out of here,” she begged. “No,” he whispered, kissing her forehead, “I just can’t right now.”
This couple lives on a farm a couple miles from me, almost my closest neighbors. I regularly meet Jack on the road in his work pickup or in a tractor. Eighty-seven years old, he sat in the hospital beside Jo, wearing his suspenders, jeans and boots. He touched her shoulder gently and adjusted the flimsy hospital gown. “Is your arm hurting you?” he asked. I caught a glimpse of the immobilized arm in a sling, and winced at the black bruising that splashed across her upper arm and elbow. It was obvious that yesterday’s fourteen hours by his wife’s side was more difficult than any day of work on the farm, ever.
Seven years ago, Jack suspected something wasn’t right, and took Jo for several tests. Ever since Alzheimer’s was diagnosed, he has cared for her at home. He wears a hearing aid in one ear, and hers is on the opposite site; their living room recliner couch is set up so they could sit with their “good ears” facing each other, to hear each other talk.
He interrupted her disoriented cries with soothing talk, as he stroked her cheek softly. I was close to tears at seeing this tough man so brokenhearted over his wife, yet persevering day after day. I didn’t know how to reconcile this commitment and sacrifice—poured out, with no hope of reciprocal emotions and fulfillment from his wife—with the standard expectation of relationships that’s set today.
Are my dreams about romance seated in reality? Are my expectations of a relationship established in selflessness? Am I committed to giving, or do I require return? Would my sub-conscious definition of romance withstand the challenges, or simply accept the ideal?
Love never fails.
8.22.2009
Romance ... never fails?
12.08.2008
Wonderful Grace of Jesus
Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus,
Wonderful grace of Jesus,
11.21.2008
Potter's Hand
11.20.2008
Awake in His Likeness
"Men of the world who have their portion in this life ... they are satisfied with children" (Psalm 17:14).
What is my life centered around? What brings me satisfaction? I cringe at the thought of spending 70 years, spending my one life, on myself. To gain my portion, to my find my own satisfaction, and then die: O God, keep me from it! How could I find self-focused "satisfaction" in a few years on earth, when You are a God with no time? Your purposes span centuries, and yet You "fashion hearts individually." How could I gain a portion physically or mentally, when truth and reality show that the spiritual is primary?
If I'm not surrendered into the hand of the Creator of my life, the Potter of my heart, the Wisdom of my mind, the Redeemer of my soul ... my life is worth nothing. Anything good from my life will only be because God performed it. Nothing I do could contribute to God's spiritual purposes in the world, unless He is in it, has led me there, and is doing the work in and through me.
"As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness" (Psalm 17:15).
Because Christ made me righteous through His blood, now I can see God. My satisfaction can't come from relationships, accomplishments, goals, hobbies or ministry. My life must be centered around being found in Christ's likeness. Only then will my life be worth anything ... because it's what pleases God. And in the end, He's the one who calls the shots on satisfaction, accomplishments, portions and rewards.
So if I'm not empty of myself and obsessed by Him - what is my life? O God, show me what the "extraordinary life" means to You.
2.25.2008
Satisfied
"'My people shall be satisfied with My goodness,' says the Lord"
Satisfied with His goodness? Is that what the Lord wants in my life?
Satisfied [Hebrew definition]: to fill to satisfaction, have enough, have plenty of, be satiated, satisfy, be to the full
Goodness [Hebrew definition]: good, in the widest sense: the best; beauty, gladness, welfare, joy
To be full of the Lord's beauty and joy--to be satiated with His best. Another aspect is to see how He promises that His good will be enough for me. I don't always see what I need, and I seek to be full of and satisfied with something else.
His goodness is enough.
"Your Word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path"
The Lord's Word should be the foundation of my decisions, thoughts and ideas. I keep trying to catch a gleam of directing light from my own logic, from others' advice, from emotions of the moment, from the world's perspective. Although any of these may contain truth, they are not Truth. "Send Your light and Your truth: let them lead me..." Cultures, feelings, logic - they change, but God does not. His truth does not change.
Other sources of "light" can be tempting, because they supposedly offer insight and direction more broadly: more of the future path appears to be revealed. God's Spirit, God's truth, often give light only for the next step.
I need contentment for living and trusting ... step by step. No, not just contentment -- satisfaction and joy in resting in the truth God's given me for today.
I don't thank God for His goodness only because of my hope of tomorrow ... but because
12.24.2007
Prayer: Purpose and Motives
Hezekiah has always confused me. He incorporated temple sacrifices and worship once again, after his evil father had led the people of Judah to seek other gods. But at the end of his life, he wasn't exactly exemplary. What happened? He prayed for God to extend his life ... but God wouldn't have if He didn't want to.
As the youth class fill-in teacher over the holidays, I was studying the life of Hezekiah this weekend (rather last minute!). His commitment to seeking--and then obeying--God was admirable. Even as a young leader, he steadfastly directed the people to the Lord.
In the middle of Sunday School yesterday, we read and discussed excerpts about Hezekiah. We read about three prayers he prayed ... and something clicked. Isn't anything with three points lesson worthy? (ha)
1. Prayer: Hezekiah appealed to the Lord to provide atonement for the many people who were sacrificing without having been cleansed (according to the Law) (2 Chron. 30:13-19). Purpose: his passion was to obey the command of the Lord through confession and sacrifice at the temple. Outcome: "And the Lord listened to Hezekiah and healed the people" (2 Chron. 30:20).
2. Prayer: Hezekiah humbly prayed and cried out that God would save them from the Assyrians (2 Chron. 32).Purpose: Sennacherib and the Assyrians were mocking God, boasting about their own gods, and encouraging the people of Judah to reject God.Outcome: God sent an angel to kill 185,000 Assyrian soldiers.
3. Prayer: Hezekiah prayed that God would extend his life after God had ordained that he would die (2 Kings 20).Purpose: It was self-centered, not focused on God's purposes and glory, as before: "Remember now, O Lord, I pray, how [b]I have[/b] walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight."Outcome: His life was extended fifteen years. During those fifteen years, however...- His son Manasseh was born. Manasseh's evil as king was unprecedented.- Hezekiah showed off all the treasures to the enemy (Babylon). He was taking credit for what God had done.- He was self-centered. When he heard the prophecy that Judah would be taken captive, he didn't care. "At least there will be peace and truth in my days."
Hezekiah's purpose in life (revealed in his prayers) seems to be the turning point of his life. When his focus changed from God's glory to his interest, the outcome (at the moment, and longterm) was like night and day.
What are the motives of my heart desires?What is my true purpose? It cannot be hidden. Even when Hezekiah knew all the "buzz words" in his final prayer, the request was centered upon himself, not God.
Hezekiah's life is a humbling reminder to me of the importance of complete commitment to Christ.
10.03.2007
I've been reading some in the minor prophets recently.
"Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls--yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills" (Habakkuk 3:17-19).
"The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17).
"The Lord is righteous in her midst, He will do no unrighteousness. Every morning He brings His justice to light; He never fails..." (Zephaniah 3:5).
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