Caffe Latte con Amor

Made a free card ... thanks to Shutterfly

2011-10-10T08:10:00.002-05:00

5x7 Folded Card

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Revelation of Black Light

2011-02-13T07:36:00.001-06:00

The miracle of chalk art illustrates the story of Luke 1-2. The historian Luke is the hand of the chalk artist, sketching a scene that spans over thirteen years. The picture incorporates a myriad of colors and details—some unusual features, yet from an outsider’s glance the scene is an ordinary one. The picture includes two women expecting their firstborns. But wait!—the one is far too old and the other seems especially young. The townspeople are gossiping about the girl; a scandal, they say, that this “good girl” would be pregnant, and her fiancé does not deny responsibility. Mystery also surrounds the older couple because of the husband’s recent malady of muteness.

The artist shows these two families (even though they live in different locations), and sketches other everyday details that highlight the cycles of time. Shepherds are on the hills in the background—it is that time of the year. The census is called—it is that time in the kingdom. Nine months pass for each woman and they give birth—it is the time of life. The couples circumcise and name their sons on the eighth day—it is the time and fulfillment of the law—and at forty days, the younger couple presents their son at the temple. The artist’s last strokes of chalk depict the son of the younger couple twelve years later, traveling to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover—the yearly time of sacrifice.

The lights dim and the artist Luke walks away. His sketch of these events, families, locations and cycles of life suddenly melt away. The black light—O light of Divine truth!—is turned upon the picture and the audience gasps in wonder. The chronos time has disappeared and kairos shines forth. The real picture, once invisible behind ordinary things, is now manifest. Scandal? No, now we see Mary embracing the angel’s unbelievable message and worshipping the Lord in humble joy. We see not only the old, mute father but now the prophetic angel meeting him in the temple—and suddenly his mouth open, pouring forth praise. And while the shepherds perform ordinary duties, the light of the Divine story—even God Incarnate—shines upon them as angels sweep them into the presence of Christ. The obedience to laws in circumcision, temple sacrifices and the Passover is suddenly transformed by the Redeeming One, who fulfills them in Himself.

The human narrative in Luke points to multiple people, locations, events, times and customs. The Divine narrative, however, illuminates these, unifying them in a single, definitive Event. It is one story, the fulfillment of the past, the hope of the future: this “black light” proclaims the story of redemption.

January 8

2011-01-08T21:41:00.001-06:00

After three wonderful weeks with two wonderful families and many friends, Daniel and I boarded a plane this morning to return to Ottawa. It’s hard for me to believe that a year ago this morning, I was also boarding a plane with Daniel Harris. January 8, 2010, we were comparing passport mug shots with Alana and Marcus, on our way to unknown adventures in Singapore, Nepal, the Philippines and (for me) Indonesia.
Over thirty hours of travel to Singapore was just the beginning of good discussions and revealing situations that helped me to get to know this guy a little more.

It’s been a good year.

We’re celebrating our five month anniversary … preparing to hit the books on Monday … looking forward to the next four months at Augustine … and excited where prayers and ideas will lead us to be next January 8!

Not Only with our Lips, But in our Lives

2010-10-24T11:51:00.003-05:00

Almighty God, Father of all mercies,
we thine unworthy servants do give thee
most humble and hearty thanks
for all thy goodness
and loving-kindness to us and to all men.

We bless thee for our creation, preservation,

and all the blessings of this life;

but above all for thine inestimable love in the

redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ;

for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory.

And we bessech thee, give us that due sense of all thy mercies,

that our hearts may be unfeignedly thankful,

and that we show forth thy praise,

not only with our lips, but in our lives;

by giving up ourselves to thy serice,

and by walking before thee in holiness

and righteousness all our days;

through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom, with thee

and the Holy Ghost, be all honour and glory, world without end.

Amen.

A Story of Us

2010-09-11T08:36:00.000-05:00

"We Fell in Love"

2010-09-10T16:58:00.005-05:00

It would appear that the author of Caffé Latte con Amor has been with more occupied with “caffé latte,” “amor,” or some other pastime outside of blogging. That’s a true story. And I suppose the following has more to do with love than lattes, so be warned.

In the words of my brother regarding his own love story…

“We met.”

“We fell in love.”

“We got married.”
Between meeting and falling in love, Daniel and I enjoyed many years of friendship. I’m not interested in posting the few “friends-and-not-at-all-in-love” pictures of that time period, and I assure you that you’re not interested in seeing them.

The events of the past year--particularly the last six months--have been such a surprise to me that words like beautiful, miraculous and surreal are inadequate to describe them. I have received gifts of experiences, friendships, lessons and love that I did not anticipate and that I do not deserve.

I opened my journal recently and noticed a comment from January 1 of this year. I had written something like, "I wish I knew what would fill the pages of this upcoming year..."

I'm glad I didn't. I think I would still be hiding under my bed. :)

Someties I'm so impatient during waiting times to discover "what's next." But over and over, in retrospect, I'm amazed and grateful at the timing God graciously allows. However unexpected, the events of the past six or eight months were perfectly orchestrated and overwhelmingly peaceful.

On this 34th day of "happily ever after," I shall close for now and save more updating for later.

Signed, a happy wife in Canada.

Dashed Dreams, No Answers

2010-06-21T17:59:00.003-05:00

“Do you feel like you’re seeing—living—‘Same Kind of Different than Me’ every Monday?” the pregnancy center director asked me. “We have the same deal here as that story … and it could be you.”

Yes, it could be.

I fill out the forms and follow protocol. But notes on the form tell facts, not the story of a life. I hear the stories of dashed dreams. I talk with many girls my age and younger who have already experienced a divorce. Eyes speak what could never be told with words: fear. Rejection. Disillusionment. Sometimes the nonchalant gestures and confident explanations try to stretch a band-aid over the raw wound. Unbidden tears spill as they tell pieces of their brokenness.

Today, it was my tears … at hearing how this song verbalized the prayer of my heart.

Little girl twenty-one, the things that you've already done

Anything to get ahead

And you say you've got a man, but he's got another plan

Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one, you never thought that this would come

You starve yourself to play the part

But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true

And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around, you're not too far

To back away, be who you are

To change your path, go another way

It's not too late, you can be saved

If you feel depressed with past regrets

The shameful nights hope to forget

Can disappear they can all be washed away

By the One who's strong can right your wrongs

Can rid your fears, dry all your tears

And change the way you look at this big world

He will take your dark distorted view

And with His light He will show you truth

And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you

“With His light He will show you truth.” There is no single answer to the 15-year-old reeling, at seeing those double pink lines. There is no single answer for the 17-year-old who thinks the next man will fulfill her dreams. There is no single answer for the 21-year-old, overwhelmed with the responsibility of supporting her two toddlers alone. There is no single answer for the 23-year-old who sees abortion as the only option.

The stories—the hurt, the complications, the fear—are beyond me. What I saw and heard last week, sitting across from beautiful girls, overwhelmed me. Their need does not overwhelm our Father, though. And while there are no single answers to the years of decisions, the myriad factors and the built up pain, there is ultimately hope only through Christ.

I pray that my few words can express Christ’s compassion. I pray that His truth would be spoken in love here, even when it’s rejected. I pray that “little girl twenty-one” can experience the same forgiveness I have, and someday testify to the power of God transforming her heart and life. I pray that our Father would be glorified here by the compassion, listening ears, truth spoken, needs met—His love reaching out.

Challenge ... Report

2010-04-09T08:14:00.003-05:00

In January, I joined a challenge to read the Bible in six months. April 1st marked the halfway point on the calendar, but I’m just now giving a reading update. I should be on about Day 100 … and I’m not. I have to agree with Kaylene's post earlier this week; I don't have legitimate reasons to fall behind! So the technical report is that I'm about twenty days behind schedule.

That said (i.e. what I haven't read), here's the good news (i.e. what I have read)!

For the first time, I'm reading the Bible chronologically. There's no perfect, historically-accurate list, but this new order has really challenged my thinking. For example, I can tell you the books of the Bible that Solomon wrote. But it's given me a different perspective to actually read Proverbs and Song of Solomon while I'm also reading 1 Kings and 2nd Chronicles. It's helped me see the stories in context and realize how deeply parts of the Bible are interwoven.

I'm looking forward to reading about the kings of Israel and Judah ... with the minor prophets sprinkled around in the right spots. I've never been able to connect those very well.

I intend to catch up, and look forward to doing so! My friend Marcus gives some encouragement about catching up, finishing well, and learning willingly in his post Success in Failure.

Reign

2010-03-11T09:55:00.003-06:00

You thought of us before the world began to breathe

You knew our names before we came to be

You saw the very day we fall away from You

And how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus, come lead us,

We're desperate for Your touch

Oh great and mighty One,

With one desire we come

That You would reign,

That You would reign in us;

We're offering up our lives

A living sacrifice

That You would reign,

That You would reign in us.

Spirit of the living God fall fresh again

Come search our hearts and purify our lives

We need Your perfect love, we need Your discipline;

We're lost unless You guide us with Your light.

We cry out for Your life to revive us,

Cry out for Your love to define us,

Cry out for Your mercy to keep us

Blameless until You return.

Lord Jesus, come lead us,

We're desperate for Your touch

Oh great and mighty One,

With one desire we come

That You would reign,

That You would reign in us;

We're offering up our lives

A living sacrifice

That You would reign,

That You would reign in us.

So reign, please reign in us

Come purify our hearts

We need Your touch

Come cleanse us like a flood

And send us out

So the world may know You reign, You reign in us.

- Starfield

Three Hours Downtown

2010-02-28T18:30:00.005-06:00

June 2008: My team's flight landed in Jakarta. We were warned how different it would be from Malaysia and Singapore. We were cautioned about the religious conflict, about the poverty, about the resistence to Westerners. Security, safety, modesty, discretion.

I remember leaving the airport and being awed by the insane traffic and honking. I remember noticing all the trash; it was so dirty.

But I especially remember my first impressions being of the street children. Stuck in traffic, our vehicle sat near an intersection and I stared out the window into the eyes of children. They were barefoot. Their hair was dirty and tangled. The clothes hung off their shoulders. They weaved in and out of traffic, holding out a little bag, begging for money.

Traffic moved and my heart froze to see toddlers, inches from whizzing mopeds. Little children stood in the middle of traffic, unphased. I was speechless; this was Indonesia.

During the next days in Jakarta and Surabaya, and during my next visit in 2009, I gained many more impressions of the country. I fell in love with the people.

My last few posts have been a glimpse at a dream come true. Living with amazing Indonesian children and building relationships with them was beyond wonderful to me.

A friend of one of the orphanage staff members invited me to join her at a school held for street children. Immediately my first memories of Indonesia flashed through my mind: I saw that little girl barefoot, standing in the middle of traffic. I was both eager and apprehensive to visit the school. I knew the kids at the orphanage well; I knew their personalities, their strengths and weaknesses. I knew some about their families. I knew some of their dreams.

Somehow I couldn't associate that kind of interaction with what I had seen of street children. I remembered their emotionless faces, their subdued eyes.

And then we arrived, central Jakarta. We got out of the taxi in the middle of the road and crossed a busy highway. Train tracks, bridge, overpass, intersections, heaps of trash, and a nasty, rushing river.

In February 2009, this school began on a Sunday afternoon with several Indonesian teachers and about fifteen kids. A year later, as the small team of teachers walked down the strip between the railroad and the river, children began flocking to us from the street. Over eighty children gathered for a couple hours of "school."

They stared at me, wide-eyed at my fair skin. I smiled back and sat down beside a couple of them. "Nama saya Laura ... siapa nama kamu?"

Suddenly I realized that "Jakarta street children" are not a genre of people. They are individuals.

They have names. They have parents--whether they're in their life or not. They have siblings.

They have strengths and weaknesses. They have natural talents and abilities. They have great personalities.

They are beautiful, and every one of them is unique and perfect.

After the whole group sang a couple songs together, the children split into five groups, by age. Under the trees, five canvas mats were spread. Whiteboards were propped up against the trees. The children were given notebooks and pencils.

The next couple hours were spent on math problems, learning about nature and plants, and practicing English alaphabet and vocabulary words. The children were so, so excited to learn.

Around 30% of them, I was told, attend school sporadically.

Many of them lived under the nearby bridge. When the dam down the river was recently opened to release water, their families had to move because the river was so high. For the next few weeks, many of the children were sick and couldn't come to the Sunday street school. Many of the ones who did come had bad skin rashes or were sick from all the bacteria in the water.

After the children said good-bye, the team of teachers had a short meeting to review how many children attended each class, what they taught, what they observed, and to make plans for the future.

They have a big vision for impacting these children's lives and futures. They're recognizing what I had failed to see: the unique design of individual children, and the potential they have. Instead of being overwhelmed by the massive need, they actually pursued change. Instead of being frustrated by the limited time they have, they're making the most of every minute.

After the meeting, we gathered up the few school supplies and walked back to the nearby highway. The brown water gushed downriver beside us. We walked past heaps of garbage and tiny shacks ... homes. Across the highway, we saw several of the children who had just left school. They were holding their bags. They were begging.

I can't put my feelings at that moment into words. I couldn't comprehend the reality of their daily lives. They yelled, smiling and waving. The teachers waved back. They called them by name.

I was no longer seeing emotionless, hopeless, nameless faces, all in the category of "street children." I had touched them, sang with them, talked to them, taught them, stared into their stunning eyes, and laughed as they laughed. They were individuals, created in the image of God. They have value and potential. They were created for a purpose in life.

It's easier to ignore realities that make me uncomfortable. It was easy to toss that stark memory into a pile of third-world Indonesian facts. But it's better--although painful, humbling and stretching--to come face-to-face with reality. It's good to realize that my first and selfish tendency is to push away others' individual needs, to focus on myself and my own needs and feelings.

...

I'm grateful God would give me another chance -- to allow Him to change my heart as I held the hand of a little girl. I want to embrace His compassion for others instead of defaulting to my first impressions and assumptions.

Happy Days in Cibubur, Jakarta Timur

2010-02-22T18:53:00.006-06:00

It's been another wonderful week.

It included some sweet friends coming for a visit!

Three of the boys with the three university students who live here...

Last Sunday we toured some beautiful botanical gardens. The children loved learning more about plants.

We also got to enjoy lots of delicious, fresh fruit!

They were fascinated by the lab...

I'm going to miss these guys.

In the Eye of the Beholder

2010-02-17T01:39:00.004-06:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Every day here, I see beauty. Perspective is a funny thing. I walk down the street and love everything I'm seeing ... and suddenly notice all the trash. But it doesn't matter.

Lita

Rina

Ana

Natalis

Sweaty guys in my lap makes me so happy. Little critters in sweet girls' hair doesn't make me want to braid their hair any less.

Uli

Sri

And God's teaching me to pray when the language barrier keeps me from asking the questions or saying the things I wish I could say. How much greater for His Spirit to change a heart than for me to say what I'm thinking.

Robi

I can't describe just how beautiful I think these precious children are. And yet, on a regular basis, they stroke my hair, touch my skin, and say, "Beautiful sister." Their smiles melt me.

Warta

Biknel

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I've been wondering just how God is seeing things. My perspective can change according to circumstances, but God's view is perfect--He created everything He's viewing.

Delvi and Sona

I've been praying to see through God's eyes. I want to not only see the beauty that delights my heart, but also be willing to see the need and respond sacrificially. I want to see the deep hurts and respond with Christ's compassion.

Lingkupiku Dengan Sayap-Mu

2010-02-14T19:30:00.006-06:00

Last week, my brain was full of new words, new names, new schedules, new experiences.

This week, it seems so normal, so routine, like I’ve been here forever. Not routine in the boring sense of the word—there’s never a quiet moment! It’s a “settled,” peaceful norm, of loving living here.

Speaking of peaceful norm, here is Sona with one of the cute guys that lives around here. His small presence contributes to excellent focus during homework study (not!).

The children attend different schools, and thus are on different schedules.

About 15-20 of them leave at 6am. About a dozen leave right before noon, and the rest leave at 1-1:30.

This means that at any given time, there is lots of activity, homework, chores, and adventures!

I help some of the older kids with English homework, and some of the younger ones with math homework.

When you hit fraction division problems, it’s probably time to stop doing multiplication on your fingers. So this week, I made multiplication flash cards for several kids. They’ll put forth so much effort to please me!

As they’ve learned their multiplication tables better, and fly through the flashcards, I’m learning too … to listen to fast Indonesian numbers!

This summer, a friend asked me if I knew the song “Still” and played it for me. I had never heard it, but liked it. I actually sang it the first time (in English) at a drug rehab center here in Jakarta, last June. I loved Indonesia so much, but never dreamed that I would be back seven months later, singing that beautiful song. So my new favorite song is in Indonesian …

Lingkupiku dengan sayap-Mu

Naungiku dengan kuasa-Mu.

Disaat badai bergelora

Kuakan terbang bersama-Mu,

Bapa Kau Raja atas mesta

Kutenang sbab Kau Allah ku.

Hide me now, under Your wings
Cover me, within Your mighty hand;
When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You, above the storm,

Father, You are King over the flood.

I will be still and know You are God.

Week of ... "Baru"

2010-02-05T19:40:00.006-06:00

My first week living in an orphanage in Southeast Jakarta could be summarized as a lot of ... baru (new!!). Thirty-nine children (ages 4-17) live here.

These are a few of the faces I've grown to love very much.

In their school uniforms, ready to leave for school at 6 am.

Three times a day, we all gather to sing and pray for thirty minutes to an hour. I've learned one song in Indonesian, and have a lot more to go! It is precious to watch and listen ... it's probably my favorite times of the day.

Beautiful eyes...

Beautiful smiles...

Natalis (on the right) is my buddy! He's the one who taught me to count to one hundred in Indonesian while we were on a jog/walk, inches away from being murdered by moped traffic.

The kids are patient language teachers! Communication has been challenging and fun. They study English in school, but rarely have opportunity to practice it.

They laugh all the time how putih (white) I am. Since I'm the only American here, I'm just used to seeing their beautiful skin. But when I see the pictures, I understand why they laugh!

During free times, I've been teaching typing. It's still a novelty, and the kids are working hard at it!

They keep each other accountable in the form of yelling when the typist misses a letter during practice.

"Tidak jaga!!" They're getting better at not looking at their fingers while they type, in just a few days!

I'm so grateful to be here, and am thrilled that I have three more weeks with them.

Jakarta Arrival

2010-02-05T19:33:00.003-06:00

I wrote this a week ago this evening, after arriving in Jakarta...

Times. Seasons. Promises.

Glory.

A discussion earlier today was centered around God’s revelation to “unreached” people groups. Does not having a Bible automatically mean that those millions of people have been going to hell for centuries? Is it consistent with Scripture to believe that God has revealed Himself somehow to them and given them opportunity to have faith in Him?

“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork…”

I settled down in my assigned seat on the Singapore to Jakarta flight, but soon realized that the huge plane was almost empty. I asked to change seats, and was soon stretching out my legs in an exit row on the opposite side of the plane. Green Singapore disappeared as the plane slowly rose into the clouds. Several minutes later a flash of light startled me. Out the tiny plane window, I saw a full moon glistening between clouds. I couldn’t believe how bright it was! I was mesmerized as a light fog muted its light, then softened the distinct roundness, and then made it disappear completely. Suddenly through the clouds is appeared again, warmly reflecting off the cloud base below and the aircraft’s metal wing.

I love watching the moon from my driveway, or when driving down the road. But flying made it a beautiful show—constantly changing. The flight attendant leaned forward to see the moon, but couldn’t see it. He shrugged his shoulders. “I was actually just looking out the other windows at the sunset.”

“Sunset?!” I asked. “Is the sun still up?!” I couldn’t believe the moon could be so bright if there was any light from the west. I leaned until I could catch a glimpse through the windows on the opposite side, and almost gasped. The entire sky was lit up with a stunning orange streaked sunset. It was incredible that two parts of the sky could be simultaneously showcasing such intense and perfect beauty.

Seasons. Promises.

Glory.

God promises us times and seasons. The impeccable cycle of the sun and moon are testimony to His plan for seasons. He also gives us seasons of life. Awing at the light of the full moon, I was struck by the perfection of God’s times and seasons, even at choosing this time to call Nana Jean to heaven. It’s perfect because it’s in His hands. Seeing His handiwork, revealing His glory day after day, reminds me of His purpose of these seasons—to glorify Himself and turn our face to gaze upon Him.

Grace

2010-01-30T04:50:00.002-06:00

In gratefulness to the Lord for His grace and comfort, as I arrive in Jakarta several hours before my family buries my grandma. Only He could give a heart of peace in the midst of sorrow, and rejoicing despite tears.

Your Grace is Enough

Great is Your faithfulness Oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's restless heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God of Jacob
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Heaven reaches out to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see Your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me

- Matt Maher

'Tis the Last Day of 2009

2009-12-31T09:00:00.001-06:00

.journal.

February 21, 2009

"I'm simply praising God for how good He is, when I deserve nothing."

Looking back over pictures and journaling from the past year, I think this short entry summarizes it pretty well. God is so good--all the time. I am humbled to recall some painful lessons ... but amazed to recognize God's incredible grace to me.

Some other entries bring a wonderful flood of memories; here are a few excerpts...

"God knew ... but I never dreamed!"

"His timing for all involved is truly miraculous, and He's provided..."

"His mercy is evident in the many things He's done through situations, conversations and interaction--that I didn't even realize."

"God was just preparing my heart, because He was one step ahead..."

"The last day and a half have been incredible testimonies to God's grace and faithfulness."

"...God's power and goodness in truly working things out for His definition of good."

A few pictures and notes from this wonderful year:

After signing up to provide entertainment for a banquet, John, Rach and I tried to look official for their ad. :) (It didn't work.)

I've been honored to share time with my three, amazing grandparents this year. In March, Nana Jean moved in with us! What began as a temporary arrangement has opened the door for her to sell her house and move here permanently.

I've played chauffeur for trips and appointments with Papa and Grammy, and always love being with them. Here they are with my cousin when we went to her graduation.

I was able to visit Kaylene during her discipleship program (January-July) in Oregon! Beautiful days, beautiful area, beautiful friend...

The spring violin recital (16 out of 20 students made it!) marked the end of my teaching--for now.

When I wasn't gone ... I was home. I love a Texas summer, a Texas sky, a Texas field.

Continuing volunteer work at the pregnancy center has been major highlight of this year. Besides the exciting projects and growth I've seen there, God's used my time there to teach me so much. The insight and example of the staff and volunteers has challenged me. I have been humbled by the incredible family God placed me in. I have been overwhelmed with the responsibility, and cried out to God. I have had the privilege to share the incredible Gospel of Jesus Christ over and over.

Although, looking back in my journal, I see that "more reading" was a goal this year, I don't think I did too much until mid-year when Dad challenged me with a number of books. Thank you, Dad, for your encouragement.

I joined a team of 28 on an God-ordained adventure in Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia! When you try to go without expectations, you expect the unexpected. :) God worked above and beyond anything I could have asked or anticipated.

Four great friends + Thailand = memorable trip

Late summer found me in Oklahoma for a TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) course, and Wisconsin to join a English camp of students from Tawain and Hong Kong. I met many new friends and learned so much.

After saying good-bye in Tokyo last summer, Rachel and I have kept the phone line busy ... but hoped to see each other in person! I had a great weekend in Pittsburgh in October with her--and got to see several other friends as well.

Naturally, we're really serious when we're together...

A writing project this year falls into no particular month, because it spanned several. It was a highlight of this year, not because of the project or the completion thereof, but because of what God taught me in the process. The topic, God's blessings, intrigued me. The mindboggling concept has been reduced to a religious catch-phrase. As I read and studied, God showed me how His blessings aren't giving me nice things and situations that I appreciate. His blessings are giving me what I need, what will make me know Him more, what will conform me to Christ. His goodness, His sovereignty, His grace, His truth ... these are true blessings.

And naturally, God wanted to change the mental knowledge to heart knowledge. I'm so grateful for His blessings this year to me.

He has allowed the blessing of not knowing what's next, so that I acknowledge my dependence on my all-knowing Author of my life.

He has allowed the blessing of brokenness at sin, so that I experience the power of His grace to me.

He has allowed the blessing of hard relationships, so that I seek His truth.

He has allowed the blessing of changed plans, so that I am amazed at His sovereignty.

God is good, all the time.

"I'm simply praising God for how good He is, when I deserve nothing."

On Relationships...

2009-12-17T19:34:00.009-06:00

"The heart always provides for what it values (Matt. 6:19-34), and if we value God first, our capacity to love him and others will expand. If we value the world first, we will miss out on not only the joys of knowing God but also the joys of this life.
Relationships will degenerate into contacts, and we will seek to manipulate people to get what we think we want. We will be driven to accomplish and impress, and this will detract from quality time with those we love. Activities will take precedence over intimacy, both with God and with people.
The idol of accomplishment will erode the aesthetics of the spirit and leave us busy and weary. We will work harder to influence people, and by seeking our security in their responses, we will become disconnected from our true security in Christ. The only way off this treadmill is repentance and return to the pursuit of Christ in place of the pursuit of the world."
- Kenneth Boa

When I Grow Up...

2009-12-09T09:22:00.006-06:00

I remember hearing sermons when I was little. Someday when I grow up I'll be that way.

I remember watching my Dad read his Bible every morning. When I'm older, I'll want to do that, too. I did it then, but because it was an expected habit, not because of my desire or spirituality. But when I grow up, I'll naturally do it.

I grew up. And I don't naturally do it.

Waiting for the constant desire for Christian disciplines is a downward cycle; it doesn't work that way. God is the One who changes my heart, but despite His sovereignty, He gave me the free will to seek or reject Him. The desire for Christian disciplines is a simple byproduct of surrender to Christ and taking small steps in obedience.

Several months ago, God used a series of events to return my heart to where it should be, seeking Him. I can't get my mind around all that He'd done through circumstances and people that He's placed in my life. He is so faithful to me.

One specific thing He brought was a Bible study on a book about Christian disciplines. I wasn't too excited, because I've been in a dozen step-programs that temporarily changed externals but never affected my spiritual life permanently. I was so tired of them.

But God used His truth in this book to teach me so much. It's not the book itself--I'm sure it would strike other people differently, depending on where they are. But it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Training versus trying, for example. That definitely struck a chord; what steps am I taking on a daily basis to obey the Lord and become conformed to Christ's image? Instead of "trying" to jump to sanctification--and being discouraged by failure--it's training ... daily obedience in small areas.

About the same time, I started a 40-day devotional. The challenge at the beginning was to fast from something that potentially distracts me from seeking God. My list of ideas was longer than it should have been. In the end, I chose the same thing that Kaylene did: no music while driving. Besides about ten minutes of Michael Medved, I haven't listened to anything, period, while I've driven alone the past weeks. (By the way, I haven't excluded talking on the phone.) :)

Imagine a hand automatically grappling for a volume knob to scan preset radio stations ... and then it drops in dejection. That was what it looked like for the first week or so, every time I got in the car.

It was so quiet.

It took a number of quiet drives for me to realize that I could spend that time somehow else.

Ever since Rachel began studying for the National Bible Bee (memorizing hundreds and hundreds of verses), I saw firsthand what it takes to memorize and meditate on Scripture. It's such a no-brainer, it's embarrassing to admit that it was a revelation. Time. Motivation.

Like other areas of my Christian life, I wondered why meditation on Scripture wasn't natural and automatic. 1) I didn't invest the time. 2) I was not motivated enough, i.e. not truly believing God's commands and promises.

I've printed up several Psalms and a couple chapters from Romans and Colossians. Let me tell you, my drives have been so much more worthwhile than the hours spent on Michael Medved, KLOVE or any Christian station. They have their place, maybe, but I sure don't think I've missed much these past weeks!

I realize these are pretty basic things ... that I should have learned a long time ago. But God is so gracious and merciful, to keep teaching me despite my inconsistency and weakness.

So I was excited by Kaylene's challenge to read through the Bible during January to July 2010. I intend to join her in it, and I would invite you to as well. Click on this image to read more about why she decided to do it, and let us know if you'll join us!

There's nothing magic about reading every word in the Bible in a certain time period. But seeking God's truth and committing to obey it is incredibly powerful, because God is powerful to change hearts and work miracles for His glory.

Remember how I used to think "When I grow up..."?

I've asked this question many times in sexual integrity counseling: "What are your personal goals for your marriage and family? ...Are your decisions today building toward that?" Nobody argues with the reality of sowing and reaping. So I'm asking myself the same question: "How are my decisions today moving toward the spiritual maturity I desire?"

It's not instantaneous. It's growing, and growing requires many small factors ... and time.

Where are your decisions today taking you?

Navigating My Way

2009-11-24T17:28:00.002-06:00

In a waiting room recently, I flipped through a magazine and a subtitle caught my eye. (Is this where I confess that I was reading Parents?!)

“Your child isn’t being bad. He just needs help navigating his way toward independence.”

The article on discipline (actually, on overdoing discipline) wasn’t all bad. Yes, of course there are times for training and understanding, not time-outs and punishment. And, independence—in one sense of the word—is an huge part of kids’ maturity.

But the phrase “navigating his way toward independence” got me: it reminded me of failure at attempted independence.

How many years have I been taught that God must be number one in my life? How many times I have sung “You are my all in all”? And yet I still venture out on my own, to do things myself. Loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength sounds like a good idea until it means denying self.

Self. Myself. Independence.

in • de • pend • ence (noun) freedom from dependence on or control by another person, organization, or state
in • de • pend • ent (adjective) able to operate alone; not forced to rely on another for support; capable of thinking or acting without consultation with or guidance from others

I exist only because God created me. “All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist” (Col. 1:16-17). He created me to know Him and to be conformed to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29). That well-known “all things work together for good” verse directly precedes this one about being conformed to Christ’s image. The “good things” that God brings into my lives aren’t things that satisfy and feed self. They’re the things that destroy self and make me like Christ.

Destruction of self hasn’t exactly been on my to-do list. Impression management, maintaining reputation, satisfying desires … those have been on the top. But when I think I’m checking them off, in reality, I’m believing a lie. How foolish to attempt independence from the Source of my every breath.

Destruction of self should be on my to-do list: putting off the old man, putting on the new man—who is dependent upon and surrendered to the Spirit of God. Because Christ is in me, “the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness” (Rom. 8:10). Walking in the flesh (following my own desires) brings death; but if “by the Spirit [I] put to death the deeds of the body, [I] will live” (Rom. 8:13).

When God shows me how short life is and the incredible purposes He has for me, I surrender. But then an hour later I am faced with the choice of fulfilling my desire, following my agenda or giving in to my emotion. The reality of denying self—to become conformed to Christ—comes in surprising “unspiritualized” ways. It’s the everyday things. And it’s those everyday things where I submit to the Lord or “navigate my way toward independence.”

"Look at the baby."

2009-11-11T09:45:00.007-06:00

I can make things pretty complicated sometimes. I don't understand the health care bill and all of its ramifications. I don't understand how the abortion ammendment works. I wonder what the "end of the story" will be when the bill is finally passed.

I don't understand why the media would avoid covering a story about an abortion clinic director who resigned and went to work for Coalition for Life.

I don't understand how someone can tell me they just had an abortion and be absolutely emotion-less. I cried for her; has she cried yet?

But while I might complicate issues with frustration, "political correctness," questions and doubts, I realize there is a reason why Jesus calls us to be like little children.

The disciples complicated issues, too. Jesus responded to them by calling "a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and beome as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" (Matthew 18:2-4)

This week I looked into the biggest brown eyes I've ever seen on a 3-year-old. She had come with her mommy to see the ultrasound. She held out her hand to me.

"Look at the baby."

Our nurse had given her a model of a pre-born baby at 10 weeks, the same age of the baby her mommy was carrying. Her little hand rounded perfectly around the tiny baby.

She wasn't doubting viable life. She wasn't asking questions. She saw a baby, and it was very simple to her.

God, make me humble before you so I can see life like you see life.

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." (Matthew 18:5)

No Votes Needed. The Eyes Have It.

2009-11-01T15:50:00.009-06:00

Hearing ears…speaking mouths…seeing eyes. Oh no—eyes are so much more than seeing. They speak, too.

Eyes communicate what words cannot.

Eyes mesmerize me. I love close-up portraits the most so I can see someone’s eyes. I realized recently as I was writing stories that I often described attitudes or feelings by describing the person’s eyes. They’re so powerful! Threatening eyes. Eager eyes. Pained eyes. Twinkling eyes. They speak of something deeper.

In the Bible, the word “eye” is often used to describe something deep—grasping to describe a person’s heart, it seems. God talks about the bountiful eye, the evil eye, the mocking eye. “The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light” (Matt. 6:22).

I believe that God created eyes to somehow speak what’s truly in our heart. I’ve seen angry eyes. I’ve seen tender, loving eyes. I’ve seen flirtatious eyes. I’ve seen joyful eyes. I’ve seen excited, sparkling eyes. How can we sense something only because someone didn’t meet our eye?

I remember looking across a gym once and meeting a man’s eyes—and then looking away. I did not know him. I have never felt such hardness, darkness and evil. Later that day, I looked the same man in the eye and couldn’t understand the difference. His eyes were clear and joyful. I didn’t understand—until hearing and marveling that he had just repented and become a Christian.

A number of times the Bible uses eyes to describe a condition of the heart: being wise in my own eyes. Doing whatever is right in my own eyes. God uses eyes here to communicate an opposite of fearing Him, of seeking Him, of acknowledging His greatness.

I don’t think it was coincidental that God blinded Saul’s physical eyes to get his attention on the road to Damascus. The scales fell off Paul’s eyes, and the course of his life was transformed. I think the power of Christ’s light blinding his eyes represents something deeper of how spiritually blind this religious young man was. Blindness wasn’t a distraction to get him to think about God. He needed God to open his eyes.

Throughout the Bible there’s another set of references to the eye—and the implications are incredible. God opens eyes. He can open our eyes to be seeing what He sees. He opened Hagar’s eyes to see the life-giving water for her son (Gen. 21:19). He opened Balaam’s eyes to see the angel in the road (Num. 22:31). When Elisha prayed, God opened the fearful young man’s eyes to see the horses and chariots of fire that were all around Elisha (2 Kings 6:17). His commandments are pure and they enlighten our eyes (Psalm 19:18).

“Open thou mine eyes…” (Psalm 119:18).

Praise You

2009-10-08T13:24:00.005-05:00

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

- Hall

A Right? Or a Homicide?

2009-09-15T22:08:00.007-05:00

I am overwhelmed with grief every time I've read our local news this past week. I'm grappling with issues like personal responsibility, moral ethics, the social role of the Church, and injustice.

By personality more than conviction, I avoid politics, boycotts and debates. Yet news like this makes me wonder where to start, even. I don't claim to see the root issue or to offer ultimate solutions. But while my mind is mystified, my heart is breaking.

I'm not linking to the story; it is indeed, as the reporter describes, "horrendous." Several days ago, a 15-year-old girl gave birth to a baby boy. Within several hours, she killed him. Her doctor's visit the next day prompted suspicion; the situation was investigated and the truth was revealed.

She is charged with capital murder.

The baby boy is included on the list of area homicides this year.

The outcry is passionate. Judgments and rumors are cruel and rampant.

For whom is my heart breaking?

A girl who could be my little sister, who is in jail tonight? My feelings are not justifying her actions ... but the family situation, the belief system, and the emotions that led to the actions is mind-boggling to me.

A precious baby boy?

Even more so, ironically, my heart breaks for others.

I read as the news mentions a concerned doctor; a team of policeman fulfilling their job; a local court system striving for justice. But as the media and involved authorities focus on this case...

I see the unnamed babies.

Our country, culture and Church have approved as these same people turn a blind eye to identical situations that occur constantly. How has abortion become socially acceptable? The word abortion is now political, not personal. I can't comprehend the passion that this one story arouses, while silence is the signature of aborted babies around the world. Do you believe me that over three thousand babies are reported killed every day in the United States?

So are we discussing rights or homicides? Apparently, it's only a matter of location.

It's much easier to complacently ignore an idea than to painful face reality. Did German Christians embrace Hitler's agenda? No. They simply allowed it.

For the next aborted baby girl, there will be no policemen, no media, no prosecutors. For the next aborted baby boy, there will be no charges, no jail, no news report.

Will there also be no outcry?

Time to See the Big Picture

2009-09-12T16:41:00.006-05:00

What is that noise?! Why is the phone ringing? Was it late…or early? Searching frantically for the phone in the dark, I clean off the bedside table.

“Hey. Are you coming soon?”

Coming? I just went to bed. “Yeah.” I slam the phone down and grope for the clock. The sleepy fogginess fades away as horror strikes me. Surely that was just a wake-up call!? The clock lit up and my heart sinks: the bus to the airport was supposed to leave in six minutes.

This scenario that occurred over nine thousand miles away is not one I’d like to remember. Although I’d be glad to forget that morning, I wouldn’t want to forget many gracious people, and the miracle of making it to the airport in time.

Surely you’ve experienced the gut-wrenching realization of missing your alarm. It happened to me last week. And although it didn’t affect many circumstances or people, my attitude was far worse than the actual situation.

Waking up to my cell ringing, I was frustrated even before stumbling across the room to pick it up. Thinking it was an alarm and not a phone call, I cancelled Dad’s call before I was thinking straight. Dad! He must be at the feedlot waiting for me! In the next ten minutes as I rushed out the door, I spoke words for which I later had to apologize. But worse, as I rushed to leave, as I drove away, as I did my job, as I was returning home … I had a complaining spirit. I was irritated when I should have been grateful. I was griping about a problem for which I should have taken responsibility. My attitude gave me a heavy heart as I worked.

It is only a few miles to drive home—east. And as I drove, God convicted my heart.

I was driving just when the sun rose over the horizon. Instead of bursting flames of light, though, it was a stunning pink crescent. It was subtle, but deep. It was bright, but intriguing. It was so beautiful that I couldn’t believe it.

The sun kept rising until the entire, huge circle was visible, but still it didn’t explode with light. It was simple perfection, ultimate beauty.

I was humbled by how big my God is. I was awed that He would love me when I was complaining against Him. I was amazed that He would reveal a glimpse of His majesty.

God wants me looking to Him, not circumstances. God wants me to be praising His goodness, not falling to Satan’s ploy of selfish complaining. Because when I’m consumed with myself, how can I see God’s big picture?

The heavens declare the glory of God … and God does not give His glory to another. If my life—my words, my attitudes, my actions—is not glorifying God, He will change things so that it does.

P.S. The night before the introductory scenario occurred, it was yours truly who generously offered to provide wake-up calls. Go figure.

Give Me a Light

2009-09-07T11:50:00.004-05:00

Additional thoughts to my last post ...

I said to the man, "Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown."

And he replied: "Step out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be better to you than a light and safer than any known way."

"I'd like to make an order, please."

2009-09-05T21:58:00.005-05:00

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Yeah ... I'd like one Life GPS to go, please."

"Sure. Would you like ketchup with that order?"

"No, thanks."

I pay for this priceless jewel and drive away. It takes several moments to initialize. That's okay ... I've been waiting so long that a couple more minutes won't hurt.

The little screen lights up to show a colored map. With a happy sigh I see everything I've been waiting for: my life, in relation to everything in the world. Finally!

Wow, this is better than a Garmin! Not only is there one time for "Estimated Arrival," there are multiple clocks ticking down as I move.

"Estimated Arrival for Moving: ___"

"Estimated Arrival for Marriage: ___"

"Estimated Arrival for Kids: ___"

One thing I love is how accurate these are. It's good to know when to expect stuff like this. And finally: I have the satisfaction of chosing the route I want to take to each destination.

I should note: I'm not a good navigator. I know people who glance at a city map and are totally oriented no matter where they go. The thought of possessing this ability makes me sick, it's so foreign. So when I hear a voice speaking directions out of my new Life GPS, my heart absolutely sings. This is definitely my type of navigation!

I have never traveled so carefree. I fly along until the voice pipes up: "In two minutes, make decision to accept offer." I happily notice the speed shown: low maintenance.

Do you know how wonderful verbal turn-by-turn directions are in life? It even tells me ahead of time when to change lanes so I don't have to make last-minute decisions at an unknown intersection or merge.

If I ever wonder, I can check the screen and see how I relate to everything around me. No longer do I wonder about my relationships, efficiency or priorities--I can see it all.

One of my favorite features is the delay notification. Whenever there are conflicts or challenges ahead, my Life GPS lets me know and I can choose another route. I shake my head, thinking back over how much time I lost in the past, when I got stuck in those areas. Efficiency ... I'm personifying it.

I glance in my rearview mirror and see a sign: "Laura: acknowlege Me in all your ways, and I will direct your paths." I freeze and look back at my Life GPS screen. I can scroll through upcoming turns ... I can see estimated arrival times ... I can see the whole map.

"For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:18). "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord" (Lam. 3:25-26).

I had tried to forget what I paid for this Life GPS, but now it all came back to me.

Priceless, indeed.

For a chance at knowing my future, I had sacrificed trust in a sovereign God. For turn-by-turn directions, I had given up the quiet prompting of the Holy Spirit. For a way to avoid challenges, I had rejected the grace that Christ was offering.

I flipped the screen off ... and returned to the McDonald's menu.

"Yeah ... one iced coffee with cream, no sugar, please."

"Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"Nope. That's all."

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand" (Psalm 31:14-15).

Romance ... never fails?

2009-08-22T08:45:00.003-05:00

She turned to look up at him. He smiled as he leaned over her and their eyes met. He moved her bracelet out of the way and their hands clasped, her smaller one enveloped in his. He moved in closer, and stroked her hair gently. I felt like an intruder upon this moment of tender love. They didn’t seem to mind; romance and oblivion seem to come hand-in-hand sometimes.

Romance.

The longing for romance can overshadow so many other desires. Motivation for work, ambition for success, drive for approval—these feelings are strong at certain times. But the thought of love and intimacy can make them pale. No, I’m not talking about love-sick teenagers or sappy girls. I’m talking about the natural, God-given desire for love. It is marriage—not a business agreement—that God uses to characterize the indescribable relationship of Christ and His Church.

The holy institution of marriage … the God-given physical and emotional desires … the reality of these sometimes blur with a counterfeit. Even when I think my perspective of romance is honest and healthy, does it actually line up with the true romance that God created?

Are my expectations of love pure, before God? The magazine rack’s representation of “love” is appalling. Their headlines are warped, their pictures are unmentionable. But has any trace of the world’s definition crept into my perspective?

Maybe my question reveals part of the answer—“expectations of love.” Can I hold on to expectations about the love I desire to receive and experience? 1 Corinthians 13 doesn’t mention what I should expect out of love, only what I should choose to give, in love.

What picture comes to mind from the scene at the beginning? Be honest. I know what I would imagine—young lovers’ interaction, including the music in the background! So why was it, in real life, that I sat off to the side watching this scene…and instead of happily watching a thrill of romance, tears filled my eyes?

I was realizing that my perspective might not line up with God’s.

I was seeing a limp, pale hand lost in a large, gnarled hand. The bracelet that he moved was a plastic one, stamped with her name. He could only move so close to her, as she sat in the hospital chair. His hand ran over her white hair, over and over. “Jack, just get me out of here,” she begged. “No,” he whispered, kissing her forehead, “I just can’t right now.”

This couple lives on a farm a couple miles from me, almost my closest neighbors. I regularly meet Jack on the road in his work pickup or in a tractor. Eighty-seven years old, he sat in the hospital beside Jo, wearing his suspenders, jeans and boots. He touched her shoulder gently and adjusted the flimsy hospital gown. “Is your arm hurting you?” he asked. I caught a glimpse of the immobilized arm in a sling, and winced at the black bruising that splashed across her upper arm and elbow. It was obvious that yesterday’s fourteen hours by his wife’s side was more difficult than any day of work on the farm, ever.

Seven years ago, Jack suspected something wasn’t right, and took Jo for several tests. Ever since Alzheimer’s was diagnosed, he has cared for her at home. He wears a hearing aid in one ear, and hers is on the opposite site; their living room recliner couch is set up so they could sit with their “good ears” facing each other, to hear each other talk.

He interrupted her disoriented cries with soothing talk, as he stroked her cheek softly. I was close to tears at seeing this tough man so brokenhearted over his wife, yet persevering day after day. I didn’t know how to reconcile this commitment and sacrifice—poured out, with no hope of reciprocal emotions and fulfillment from his wife—with the standard expectation of relationships that’s set today.

Are my dreams about romance seated in reality? Are my expectations of a relationship established in selflessness? Am I committed to giving, or do I require return? Would my sub-conscious definition of romance withstand the challenges, or simply accept the ideal?

Love never fails.

Wonderful Grace of Jesus

2008-12-08T21:32:00.005-06:00

Wonderful grace of Jesus,

Greater than all my sin;

How shall my tongue describe it,

Where shall its praise begin?

Taking away my burden,

Setting my spirit free;

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus,

Deeper than the mighty rolling sea;

Wonderful grace, all sufficient for me, for even me.

Broader than the scope of my transgressions,

Greater far than all my sin and shame,

O magnify the precious Name of Jesus.

Praise His Name!

Wonderful grace of Jesus,

Reaching to all the lost,

By it I have been pardoned,

Saved to the uttermost,

Chains have been torn asunder,

Giving me liberty;

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Wonderful grace of Jesus,

Reaching the most defiled,

By its transforming power,

Making him God’s dear child,

Purchasing peace and heaven,

For all eternity;

And the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Potter's Hand

2008-11-21T06:03:00.004-06:00

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour,

I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands,

Crafted into Your perfect plan.

You gently call me into Your presence

Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit;

Teach me, dear Lord, to live all of my life

Through Your eyes.

I'm captured by Your holy calling,

Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself;

Lead me, Lord, I pray.

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me,

I give my life to the Potter's hand.

Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me,

I give my life to the Potter's hand.

-Darlene Zschech

Awake in His Likeness

2008-11-20T06:29:00.005-06:00

"Men of the world who have their portion in this life ... they are satisfied with children" (Psalm 17:14).

What is my life centered around? What brings me satisfaction? I cringe at the thought of spending 70 years, spending my one life, on myself. To gain my portion, to my find my own satisfaction, and then die: O God, keep me from it! How could I find self-focused "satisfaction" in a few years on earth, when You are a God with no time? Your purposes span centuries, and yet You "fashion hearts individually." How could I gain a portion physically or mentally, when truth and reality show that the spiritual is primary?

If I'm not surrendered into the hand of the Creator of my life, the Potter of my heart, the Wisdom of my mind, the Redeemer of my soul ... my life is worth nothing. Anything good from my life will only be because God performed it. Nothing I do could contribute to God's spiritual purposes in the world, unless He is in it, has led me there, and is doing the work in and through me.

"As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness" (Psalm 17:15).

Because Christ made me righteous through His blood, now I can see God. My satisfaction can't come from relationships, accomplishments, goals, hobbies or ministry. My life must be centered around being found in Christ's likeness. Only then will my life be worth anything ... because it's what pleases God. And in the end, He's the one who calls the shots on satisfaction, accomplishments, portions and rewards.

So if I'm not empty of myself and obsessed by Him - what is my life? O God, show me what the "extraordinary life" means to You.

Satisfied

2008-02-25T13:55:00.004-06:00

"'My people shall be satisfied with My goodness,' says the Lord"

(Jer. 31:14).

Satisfied with His goodness? Is that what the Lord wants in my life?

Satisfied [Hebrew definition]: to fill to satisfaction, have enough, have plenty of, be satiated, satisfy, be to the full

Goodness [Hebrew definition]: good, in the widest sense: the best; beauty, gladness, welfare, joy

To be full of the Lord's beauty and joy--to be satiated with His best. Another aspect is to see how He promises that His good will be enough for me. I don't always see what I need, and I seek to be full of and satisfied with something else.

His goodness is enough.

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path"

(Ps. 110:105).

The Lord's Word should be the foundation of my decisions, thoughts and ideas. I keep trying to catch a gleam of directing light from my own logic, from others' advice, from emotions of the moment, from the world's perspective. Although any of these may contain truth, they are not Truth. "Send Your light and Your truth: let them lead me..." Cultures, feelings, logic - they change, but God does not. His truth does not change.

Other sources of "light" can be tempting, because they supposedly offer insight and direction more broadly: more of the future path appears to be revealed. God's Spirit, God's truth, often give light only for the next step.

I need contentment for living and trusting ... step by step. No, not just contentment -- satisfaction and joy in resting in the truth God's given me for today.

I don't thank God for His goodness only because of my hope of tomorrow ... but because

He is good today.

Prayer: Purpose and Motives

2007-12-24T10:14:00.001-06:00

Hezekiah has always confused me. He incorporated temple sacrifices and worship once again, after his evil father had led the people of Judah to seek other gods. But at the end of his life, he wasn't exactly exemplary. What happened? He prayed for God to extend his life ... but God wouldn't have if He didn't want to.
As the youth class fill-in teacher over the holidays, I was studying the life of Hezekiah this weekend (rather last minute!). His commitment to seeking--and then obeying--God was admirable. Even as a young leader, he steadfastly directed the people to the Lord.
In the middle of Sunday School yesterday, we read and discussed excerpts about Hezekiah. We read about three prayers he prayed ... and something clicked. Isn't anything with three points lesson worthy? (ha)
1. Prayer: Hezekiah appealed to the Lord to provide atonement for the many people who were sacrificing without having been cleansed (according to the Law) (2 Chron. 30:13-19). Purpose: his passion was to obey the command of the Lord through confession and sacrifice at the temple. Outcome: "And the Lord listened to Hezekiah and healed the people" (2 Chron. 30:20).
2. Prayer: Hezekiah humbly prayed and cried out that God would save them from the Assyrians (2 Chron. 32).Purpose: Sennacherib and the Assyrians were mocking God, boasting about their own gods, and encouraging the people of Judah to reject God.Outcome: God sent an angel to kill 185,000 Assyrian soldiers.
3. Prayer: Hezekiah prayed that God would extend his life after God had ordained that he would die (2 Kings 20).Purpose: It was self-centered, not focused on God's purposes and glory, as before: "Remember now, O Lord, I pray, how [b]I have[/b] walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight."Outcome: His life was extended fifteen years. During those fifteen years, however...- His son Manasseh was born. Manasseh's evil as king was unprecedented.- Hezekiah showed off all the treasures to the enemy (Babylon). He was taking credit for what God had done.- He was self-centered. When he heard the prophecy that Judah would be taken captive, he didn't care. "At least there will be peace and truth in my days."
Hezekiah's purpose in life (revealed in his prayers) seems to be the turning point of his life. When his focus changed from God's glory to his interest, the outcome (at the moment, and longterm) was like night and day.
What are the motives of my heart desires?What is my true purpose? It cannot be hidden. Even when Hezekiah knew all the "buzz words" in his final prayer, the request was centered upon himself, not God.
Hezekiah's life is a humbling reminder to me of the importance of complete commitment to Christ.

2007-10-03T08:52:00.000-05:00

I've been reading some in the minor prophets recently.

"Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls--yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills" (Habakkuk 3:17-19).

"The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17).

"The Lord is righteous in her midst, He will do no unrighteousness. Every morning He brings His justice to light; He never fails..." (Zephaniah 3:5).

The Working of God's Power

2007-09-23T07:51:00.001-05:00

"...that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places..." Eph. 1:17-20.

My mental picture of working somehow includes manual labor! But this isn't the case when Paul writes about the working of [God's] mighty power which He worked in Christ.

The Greek word is transliterated energeia - that's right: energy. His work is not a labor, it's the expression of His power! The word is defined "efficiency, operation, strong, effectual working."

The next form of this word (which He worked in Christ) comes from the same root, and is transliterated energeo. It appears to be the active form of this energy -- to do, to be. It's defined, "to show forth self, to be mighty in."

Both words come from energes, which is used in Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is quick and powerful..." The definition is simple: active, operative, effectual.

The same power, working and energy that God used to raise Christ from the dead is what He wants to make active in my heart! It's for His glory, for He wants this energy to be showing forth Himself through me -- to be mighty in me.

Wait Patiently

2007-09-17T07:35:00.002-05:00

"If you want to hear God's voice clearly and you are uncertain, then remain in His presence until He changes this uncertainty. Often much can happen during this waiting for the Lord. Sometimes He changes pride into humility; doubt into faith and peace; sometimes lust into purity. The Lord can and will do it."

- Corrie ten Boom

"If you told God on your knees that you had reached an impasse and ... were handing it over to Him, then leave it with Him. Do not go to the first Christina you meet and say, 'You know, I have an awful problem; I don't know what to do.' Don't discuss it. Leave it with God, and go on the watch-tower."

- D. Lloyd-Jones

"His leading is only for those who are already committed to do as He may choose. To such it may be said: 'God is able to speak loud enough to make a willing soul hear.'"

- Lewis Sperry Chafer

These quotes, from a current Bible study, were a convicting reminder to me. It's about believing God (again).

Is the third quote entirely true? In the Bible we see God's clear leading even for people who chose to reject it. What about the men who Jesus called to follow Him? They placed other priorities first; they wanted to say good-bye to their families; they wanted to finalize business.

Regardless, the concept that I need to learn remains. Do I ask for God's will so that I can weigh it as an option? Or am I committed to obedience?

My All-Knowing God

2007-09-10T09:43:00.000-05:00

Many times, I know God has a plan. Maybe I even admit that God has a plan. But do I really believe in His plan? I've heard it said, "People say what they think they believe. But they will live what they really believe."

I've realized how I've doubted that God is truly all-knowing. Over the past few months, certain situations didn't work out like I'd hoped or planned. In fact, some longterm plans were completely cancelled. It was so close! I thought. It was so close to all working out!

As if God didn't know that.

Even when I didn't deserve to see and experience His faithfulness, He allowed me to see this week how He is all-knowing. If everything had "worked out" exactly the way I had wanted it to (two months ago), I would be in the middle of a disaster right now. I remember thinking, Everything seems so right; technically, things shouldn't still be on hold. Maybe there's a reason..."

A reason, yes.

God doesn't exactly work within my "technically..." expectations. And most of all, unexpected delays and changes (to me) certainly aren't unexpected to Him. They're part of His story; He wrote them, knowing every word in the upcoming chapter.

Reward

2007-09-05T07:46:00.000-05:00

"Do you seek any further reward beyond that of having pleased God? In truth, you know not how great a good it is to please Him."

- John Chrysostom

Love

2007-08-27T08:29:00.000-05:00

"Now hope does not disappoint, because the

love of God

has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

For when we were still without strength, in due time

Christ died for the ungodly.

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But

God demonstrates His own love

toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:5-8).

Helpless sinners. Unrepentant rebels. "In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10).

Offering the sacrifice of life. Accepting the wages of death. Christ did this for someone who did not love God.

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this that caused the Lord of bliss

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul.
When I was sinking down beneath God’s righteous frown,

Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.

Great photo taken by Jenny

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (1 John 4:11).

Perspective

2007-08-25T11:54:00.000-05:00

In the middle of decisions, situations and questions (in a word, life), it's hard to see things for what they really are.

My feelings about something can soar one moment and die the next. Up close, some things seem big ... overwhelming ... confusing. Looking over hundreds of acres of wheat or corn, it demands work, water, harvest. The future is unsure - will hail wipe it out after the months of investment and work? Will we be able to harvest before a rain comes?

Life can seem the same way to me. What does the future hold? How will today's circumstances play into the next step?

My perspective, however, is so very limited. While I stare at the crop that surrounds me ... wondering what's next, unable to hurry progress ...

God sees my life, circumstances and future from a different angle.

"...in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!" (Ps. 139:16-17).

People change. But as Kaylene reminded me this morning, Christ does not. While I see a glimpse of His glory, when I recognize His mercy and grace in my life, He sees the entire, beautiful picture that's a part of His plan.

"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you" (1 Peter 4:10).

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2007-08-24T17:19:00.000-05:00

This testimony from Sammy Tippit was a blessing to me.
...When my train arrived at the Romanian border the next night, I was pulled off by soldiers. They surrounded me with their guns and kept me under guard all night. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know if I would ever see my family again. I didn't know if I was going to prison. I was really discouraged. But then the hymn came to my heart again. "Great is thy faithfulness. Great is thy faithfulness." I began to sing and worship God. Eventually, I was deported from the country. The last thing the Romanian soldiers told me was, "As long as you live, you will never again place your feet on Romanian soil."

Read the rest of the story here.

"Free day"

2007-08-24T07:50:00.000-05:00

Whew, free day, I sighed.

Driving home from helping Dad at the feedlot, I noticed the lane to our house needed mowed. And what a great day to get outside and do it ... maybe later on I can get ____ done, too. Oh, and I'll have time to send that e-mail ...

Half an hour later, the phone rang. Instead of all the things I had planned, I spent the day driving and doing errands. It was a good day, with some great highlights. But last night when I got home, I noticed the two-day old to-do list on my dresser.

Nothing had been marked off today.

Oh, well. I have tomorrow!

I set my alarm an hour early and went to sleep reciting "No snooze. No snooze. No snooze." (Well, maybe not exactly.)

I was awakened when the light was flipped on and I heard Dad's voice. "What time is it?" I mumbled. He told me; my groggy morning math told me that I had slept an hour and a half past my alarm.

"We lost electricity last night during the storm. Come over to the feedlot as soon as you can."

Too late to shower. Too late to make the guys' breakfast. Too late for coffee. My early morning ambitions floated out of sight.

I realized God sees my to-do list. He sees my alarm clock. He knows my conscious (and even subconscious) plans and expectations.

And He wants them resting in His hands.

"You are my God.

My times are in Your hands"

(Ps. 31:14-15).

"My soul, wait silent for God alone,

for my expectation is from Him"

(Ps. 62:5).

Just as I wrote that, the phone rang. "Can you run and get parts...?"

God is faithful to remind me that it shouldn't be me controlling and planning.